1 Ice dreams: The beginning of the NHL season is a wonderful optimistic time. Just yesterday someone in Toronto said “The Leafs are going all the way!” The fact that he was drunk at 11 a.m. and seemingly hadn’t showered since last season did not diminish his enthusiasm. Here’s to bringing the cup back to Canada!
2 Yeah, baby!: Congratulations to Mike Myers and wife Kelly Tisdale on the birth of their baby boy last week. They named him Spike Myers. Once again, comedians never know where to draw the line. Good luck in pre-school, Spike.
3 What the Hell: Avril Lavigne played to a sparse crowd at Rogers Arena in Vancouver this week, but no biggie for such a poised professional. Now an introspective divorcee with her own line of clothing and fragrance, she delighted parents whose kids would bear witness to Avril’s patriotic cheers. “It’s pretty badass to be back in Canada. We’re going to need you to go f—ing crazy!” Sniff, our little girl’s all growed up.
4 Congratu…wha?: The Nobel Foundation broke protocol by granting McGill grad Ralph Steinman the coveted prize for research that produced treatments for cancer and HIV, among others. The statute prohibits granting the award posthumously, but it wasn’t until three hours after the award was announced that Nobel officials found out Steinman had succumbed to cancer two days earlier. Is this guy lucky or what?
5 Gun-shy: A report written by Caillin Langmann at McMaster University suggests that gun-control legislation is not responsible for Canada’s reduction in firearm homicides. Langmann, who opposes strict gun laws, credits social programs and demographic shifts for the change. I think he’s saying that people should have firearms but should be open to other forms of violence before resorting to them.
6 Feist-y: Canadian sweetheart Feist has emerged from a two-year hiatus with an impressive album, Metals. She took a rest after going full-speed for most of the 2000s, then compiled her new CD, spent weeks in Paris mixing it, then a while in London for mastering, and is already earning critical acclaim and money. Have I made the wrong career choice? I blame my parents.
7 Ordinary people: The 18-year-old, identity-protected young murderer from Medicine Hat is now rehabilitated. For those who don’t know: At 12-years-old, she helped her 23-year-old boyfriend kill her parents and eight-year-old brother because they opposed the relationship (so strict). Now, after six years at a young- offenders centre, she is deemed “low-risk” for future violence. Apparently, intensive therapy has brought her to the realization that offing the family may have been a tad harsh. Where is Jerry Springer when you need him?
8 Oh, Canada: It seems like only yesterday I was heading to the polls to cast my vote for what I call “the party of least reluctance.” But I am not ashamed to admit that I will proudly support anyone that throws me the slightest bone, even while ignoring my needs and misrepresenting my wishes. And I am not the only one who’s married?