1. Count it: This week, the UN Population Fund announced the world’s seven-billionth person, but when other census groups differed, the UN admitted the number was only an estimate. It seems they might just be off by 20 or so million people. No biggie. Do you think I can get one of those guys to do my taxes?
2. 1-on-1: JAMOP (Just a Minute of Possibility) is an organization dedicated to uniting everyone toward the common goal of peace.
Their symbol, 11:11 points to a climactic milestone next Friday 11/11/2011 at 11:11 (See JAMOP.com).
The notion of the 1s is that if one person, in one minute, with one action can make a change, then imagine what we could achieve if everyone entered one universal, simultaneous plea. Who could argue with that, right? Religious leaders are dismissing it as we speak.
3. Pass the Plato: In 2010, “austerity” was named Word of the Year by Merriam-Webster. Coincidentally, the term is derived from the ancient Greek phrase meaning “Put it on my tab.”
4. The Tortoise and his hair: Last year, Lady Gaga became the first artist to reach a billion hits on YouTube, but Justin Bieber surpassed her on his way to two billion. It was actually more impressive before I discovered that five billion people did NOT view him (give or take 20 million).
5. Never-lasting love: News of the Kardashian breakup has left us all in shock. Kris Humphries’ three-year NBA contract pays him $3.2 million per year, but the NBA lockout has left him lacking. Kim, understandably irritated from the pressure of being their sole provider for what seemed like weeks, was quoted as saying, “Stop mooching, get off your ass and go to work.” Can someone remind me what she does for a living?
6. What time is it?: It’s Movember again. Time to get your ‘stache on! Decisions: Do I go with the pencil-thin lip-liner? The thick ’70s-porno look? Fu Manchu? Handlebar? We know the Charlie Chaplin is out (requires too much explanation). I think the more important question is, on what basis does the idea of the moustache correlate to the prostate? On second thought, I don’t want to know.
7. Required by law: Despite consistently violating probation, Lindsay Lohan manages to avoid jail time. Nevertheless, she has definitely learned a lesson: that her lawyers are better than Martha Stewart’s but not quite as good as Casey Anthony’s.
8. Dazed and confused: Health Canada is lobbying to shift the responsibility of approving medical marijuana away from themselves and over to our doctors. Representatives at Frito-Lay and Nabisco say they wholeheartedly support the decision.
9. On the bright side: I have a year to re-evaluate next year’s Halloween costume. My wife and I were thinking of going as Jay-Z and Beyoncé, but now we’re not so sure.