My resolution this New Year’s Eve was to be less cynical. Oh well, four weeks still beats last year’s record.
1. Research in (slow) Motion: RIM appointed a new CEO in an attempt to revive dying BlackBerries in a world of iPhones and Androids. His name is Thorsten Heins, but he may as well be Thurston Howell III, because all the money in the world ain’t getting him off that island.
2. Muddled Voyage: The man that drove his car through the Waterloo, Ont., police station last November was apparently sentenced to a year of community service … as captain of a cruise ship. Oops!
3. Political Hubris: Stephen Harper finally met with delegates at the World Economic Forum this week. He rebuked European leaders for being fiscally irresponsible, and cited Canada as the role model. He referenced our medicare system which, in hard times, assures Canadians the same unsatisfactory services they’ve come to expect, at no additional cost.
4. Idol Setback: American Idol is back for its 11th season, and the first individual voted off is Steven Tyler for his rendition of The Star Spangled Banner.
5. Sexy Spinsters: Ladies, if you are unattached, attractive, and believe in love at first sight with a stranger who will also be dating 25 other women on national TV, then I’ve got great news – The Bachelor is coming to Canada! The not-so-great news is that you are probably desperate and have low self-esteem. But good luck!
6. Love on the Rocks: Another celebrity breakup hit the news wire this week as German model Heidi Klum is divorcing R&B singer Seal. My immediate reaction to the news was, “Those two were married?”
7. Spoiler Alert: Academy Award nominees were unveiled this week, and I want to prepare for my Oscar pool by identifying this year’s pretentiously touted film that no one actually wants to watch, à la English Patient or King’s Speech, and bet on that.
8. Ice Dreams: Bruins goalie Tim Thomas ignited controversy by refusing to join the NHL champs who were invited to appear at the White House this week. Thomas stated that he had become disillusioned with the government, whose actions over the past few years, he feels, have been counter-constitutional. On the other hand, he still blames his parents for never providing figure-skating lessons.
9. God Save the School: Dr. Alisun Pawley, a musicologist from the University of York in England, concluded in a recent study that the Canadian national anthem was not very “sing-along-able.” My first question is, “Who funded this study, and why?” Second question is, “Should a university professor be using a word like ‘sing-along-able’?”
10. American Delusions: The U.S. prez showed us once again that “Campaign Obama” is far better at his job than “President Obama.” His “America’s back” speech was shrewdly more feeling than fact. If the country were a business, I’d suspect he was getting ready to sell to China, but that’s just silly … or is it?