1. Priorities: Even in recession, our society manages to fund organizations like the Kinsey Institute’s Condom Use Research Team (CURT). The Journal of Sexual Health recently published research that states, “Condom misuse is an epidemic.” Kinsey’s Richard Crosby went so far as to say, “We underestimate how complicated condom use can be.” Really? Have we tried funding an organization that prevents dummies from having sex?

2. Roll up the RIM: This week RIM announced the launch of its BlackBerry PlayBook OS 2.0. It includes many things that should have been on the original, but they are still slightly behind their competitors, primarily pertaining to apps. My thought? How about an app that teaches people how to use a condom?

3. Sorry Charlie: Charlie Sheen wrote a letter to Ashton Kutcher, apologizing for recent “disrespectful” comments. Sheen’s management stated, “Why is anyone still listening to Charlie?”

4. Auto child: Toronto couple Robbie and Esther Stern gave birth to a baby boy in the front seat of their Dodge Avenger. What happens now? Do they get free Dodges for life? Is the kid automatically born with a driver’s licence? Free gas? Either way, it’ll make a great ad: “Dodge Avenger: From one generation to the next!”

5. Wise-guy witness: After years of suspicion that organized-crime groups were controlling public-works contracts in Quebec, an inquiry has finally been launched. Now Quebec is asking the public to help gather evidence via anonymous email or toll-free phone calls. In unrelated news, the Canadian government has cut funding to the witness-protection program.

6. Dating for dummies: Canada is on the reality- show bandwagon: Canada’s Got Talent airs next week, and auditions for The Bachelor Canada are underway. Next, I suggest a combo show wherein the bachelor actually chooses his companion based on her talent. Women can juggle, dance or sing (my money’s on the contortionist). Hey, maybe they can finally find a partner for Susan Boyle.

7. Poetic justice: A fugitive, who had been convicted of 12 counts of sexual misconduct with a minor and who had appeared on America’s Most Wanted, was arrested in Montreal upon returning from Venezuela. He lived in Vancouver for 10 years under an assumed Canadian identity. With a 169-year sentence looming, he probably felt he should take time off to travel. Let’s hope he’s imprisoned alongside other most-wanted criminals. That’s something I’d pay to see.

8. Academy Awards: A word of advice for the Oscars. If you win the award for best short film, please ensure your speech is shorter than the actual project.

9. Here’s lookin’ at you, Kid:
Native Montrealers lost an icon last week when Gary (The Kid) Carter passed away at age 57. In 2003 he became the first player to enter the Baseball Hall of Fame as an Expo. The bond between Carter and Montreal was so strong that, even after playing for three other teams, he returned for one final season in 1992. He will be dearly remembered, and forever missed. RIP.

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