1 What Usain? Does anyone else think it’s awesome that the fastest man in the world’s real name is Bolt?
2 Oslo motion. A Norwegian ref took our women’s soccer team’s gold-medal chance and another Norwegian snatched our gold in kayaking. This means war, Norway. Let’s see how tough you are when we show up with our trampolines. Yeah. Be afraid … be very afraid.
3 Jackpot! Facebook now offers online gambling in the U.K. Starting with online bingo, they plan to work their way up to slots. The site will simply ask the user to confirm that they are aged 18 or over, which is fair since everyone knows that gamblers never lie.
4 Sports in space. The six astronauts living aboard the International Space Station have been taking time from their busy schedules to watch the 2012 Summer Olympics. I’m not even allowed to use Twitter at work.
5 Just like us. A study published this week requiring wild hyenas in Kenya to slide open a bolt latch to get a piece of meat showed that only nine out of 62 hyenas succeeded by using their teeth, or flipping the box. This is a huge coup for the science community who spent countless grant dollars to show that if we ever encounter hyenas, we must pray that it’s one of the dumb or lazy ones.
6 Second-chance Chuck. Charlie Sheen is back with a new show aptly entitled Anger Management. Hey, here’s a lesson for the kiddies: Stay away from drugs or you’ll end up rich, making movies and TV shows, having frivolous sex with hot actresses and porn stars, and after publicly humiliating yourself and your entire family, be offered another TV series. Now, is that what you really want?
7 Palin by comparison. Bristol Palin will take part in the all-star season of Dancing with the Stars. She says, “I figure the press will talk about me either way. So I may as well be having fun with a good group of people.” Actually, I’m only talking about her to ask why anyone would be talking about her at all? Anyone?
8 Funny Lady. Barbara Streisand is honouring Canada with her presence once again. Well, not so much Canada as those Canadians that can afford to blow $2,000 on one night’s entertainment, but hey, thanks Babs.
9 Snoop Fog. Here’s how it really happened. A few years after converting to Islam, Snoop Dogg takes a spiritual journey to Jamaica (as if there were any other kind). Once there, he converts to Rastafari and decides to retire from hip hop to start producing reggae music. His manager asks: “Are you high?” Snoop says, “No.” Manager replies, “Man, you lyin’!” And a new identity, Snoop Lion, is born.
10 The Entertainer. We lost a music legend this week. Marvin Hamlisch wrote some of the most recognizable tunes of the last half-century. He also holds the distinction of being the youngest student ever accepted into the Juilliard School, which he started at age seven. He was a rare talent who left us with a repertoire of timeless souvenirs. Thanks Marv.
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