1  Same old story: You know the one — lady’s philandering husband spends all her money, then leaves for a hotter, richer woman. Spurned lady spends a year feeling dirty and used, and just when she’s begun to move on, he returns with flowers and playful charms. Still vulnerable, she crumbles, and her friends throw up their arms saying, “He’s not even that good looking.” In other news, Conrad Black returns to Canada.

2  Let it be written: As an example of necessity being the “mother of invention,” researchers at Arizona State University have released a list of “commandments” for Facebook. Issues covered by the rules: acknowledging postings to your page by clicking “Like,” inappropriate “poking” (never wise), and posting pictures of friends from a debauched weekend in Vegas. My favourite edict, not limited to FB, is “Thou shalt use common sense,” which, ironically, supersedes a need for the list to begin with.

3  Carrot caution: A study released Wednesday out of Ohio University has found that consuming excessive amounts of beta carotene might not be good for you. Contrary to what we’ve been told for centuries, it can block some effects of vitamin A critical to vision, skin health, metabolism and immune function. Vision? It goes to show you just can’t trust your mom anymore.

4  Playing hardball: Two years after Victoria’s Secret combined two of men’s favourite things by releasing their line of baseball-themed lingerie, they introduce the Blue Jays collection. With two types of sexy briefs (one leopard print), and two skimpy tees, they’ve given new meaning to the phrase “Sliding into home.”

5  United we stand: Canadian awards shows the Genies and the Geminis, are joining forces to create just one all-encompassing program. This is great news for apathetic Canadians who now only have to not watch one show.

6  Labour days: Jessica Simpson has given birth to a 22-inch, nine-pound, 13-ounce baby girl. This explains the tremendous baby bump that prompted pregnant Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi to say, “I’d die if I ever got that big.” Aw, Snooki, we don’t want you to die. We just want you to go away. Gone.

7  Hoops! My bad: Some are saying the stress of the condensed NBA season has resulted in a post-season riddled with injuries. None more symbolic than when Knicks’ Amare Stoudemire tempered the burning flames of his competitive passion after a brutal loss to Miami by punching a fire extinguisher. Someone might have mentioned requiring the hand to play out the series. Surprisingly, Amare skipped college to go pro.

8  Canadian courtship: Our nation’s first TV Bachelor is CFL wide receiver Brad Smith, who can’t wait to meet all the wonderful women who will join him in this consummate quest for love. He seeks independent, intelligent women who are “just as confident in a ponytail and sweats as they are all dressed up.” And adds that high-maintenance women turn him off. Relax, Brad. Any intelligent woman willing to endure weeks of public judgment, cat fights and drama, all to potentially marry a CFL player, is probably not high-maintenance.