The Metro List: Chris Hadfield returns to Earth, and Mike Duffy leaves
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The Metro List: Bieber loses monkey, a $26,000 bottle of scotch, and ‘Weese Rithersnoop’
1 Don’t get scroogled. Microsoft joined the ranks of Google’s accusers regarding the search-engine giant’s privacy issues. This is a topic of major concern to social-media users who were under the impression that self-posted pics of their drunken, topless night … Continue Reading
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The Metro List: Porn comes to the Holy Land, and Taylor is less than Swift on the uptake
1 Keeping the crown. Queen Elizabeth II was released from hospital this week after having a stomach infection. The 86-year-old monarch still maintains a demanding schedule, and when asked if she might retire, sources say she chugged back a pint … Continue Reading
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‘Sexcereal,’ Ron Jeremy’s hospital stay, and one step closer to downloading porn in space?
1 Game of Thrones. When Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands announced she would abdicate her throne in favour of her son, some expected Queen Elizabeth to do the same, but Lizzie ain’t budging. Prince Charles is 64 and has been … Continue Reading
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The Metro List
The Metro List: Maple syrup heist, Raptors back on the ball and a Top 10 hit
1 Say what? South African President Jacob Zuma maintains leadership of the currently-ruling African National Congress party by defeating deputy president Kgalema Motlanthe with a dubious 75 per cent majority vote. Perhaps it’s just that the robocalls had trouble pronouncing the … Continue Reading
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Grey Cup kicks off, Taylor Swift fumbles, and Twinkie demise intercepted
1 Snack attack. Newly-defunct Hostess Brands Inc., who brought you Twinkies and Ding Dongs, is liquidating its assets. Major competitor Flower Foods saw their stock rise amid rumours they may acquire parts of Hostess’ business. They are especially optimistic about … Continue Reading
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Not a berry good week for RIM
1 Not berry good. The 2012 global brand rankings were revealed this week, and despite recent stock invigoration, BlackBerry dropped from to No. 93 from No. 56. The Top 3 are Coke, Apple and IBM. Here’s the good news: When … Continue Reading
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The nuts & bolts of life & sports
1 What Usain? Does anyone else think it’s awesome that the fastest man in the world’s real name is Bolt? 2 Oslo motion. A Norwegian ref took our women’s soccer team’s gold-medal chance and another Norwegian snatched our gold in … Continue Reading
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Walking a fine line
1 Buyer beware: Céline Dion’s 19-acre Île Gagnon retreat is the most expensive property ever listed on the Quebec housing market. The Normandy-style château is listed at almost $30 million, but rumour has it they may trade it straight up … Continue Reading
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Geeks line up to get new iPad
1. Body of work: Charlie Sheen’s porn-star ex-girlfriend Bree Olson produced a video designed to hasten the capture of fugitive Ugandan rebel leader Joseph Kony. The clip shows a bikini-clad Olson wiggling in the sand, while flashing harsh images of … Continue Reading
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DJ is key to keeping the beat at weddings
February may be miserable for some of us, but for those crazy Valentines planning their June wedding it’s a glorious time. In my 20 years as a DJ, I have worked more weddings than Kim Kardashian will ever have, and … Continue Reading
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The Metro List: Smartphone users aren’t so smart, and Justin Bieber’s monkey gets confiscated
1 No fair. Kim Jong-un is being unfairly criticized for his threats by people who just don’t know the story. You see, after the Second World War, both countries laid claim to the southern territory, but the North lost a … Continue Reading
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The Metro List: Kardashian moons, Bye bye Benedict, and wrestling gets pinned
1 Un, deux, trois. U.S. President Barack Obama reacted to North Korea’s nuclear test Tuesday by promising firm action on what he views as Kim Jong-un’s “highly provocative act.” The prez claims the move blatantly threatens U.S. security and international peace. … Continue Reading
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Forecast for 2013: Honey Boo Boo gets juiced, Lohan gets jailed, RIM gets even less relevant
I spent my holiday honing my psychic skills. Here are my predictions for the year ahead: 1 Deja vu. This year’s top reality show will feature a mother managing the careers of her daughters who, with no discernible talents, eclipse … Continue Reading
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Monkey see, goose bump, bear no can do
1. Pimpin’ primate: The week’s top story involves a stylishly-dressed monkey wandering cluelessly around a store, and eventually taken to live with a baboon. Wasn’t that the premise for Jersey Shore? 2. Call Me Maybe: The “Robocall” challenge went before … Continue Reading
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Zanzibar strip club gets G20 money, Kim Kardashian goes blond, and Drake graduates
1 G-strings. Among businesses being reimbursed for losses incurred during 2010’s G20 summit in Toronto is the Zanzibar strip club. Not only did the bar suffer damages from rioters, but they also experienced an unprecedented dip in revenue from the absence … Continue Reading
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Replacing Regis, spanking your kids, and TIFF
1 I am woman, hear me roar, in French. Note to newly elected Quebec premier Pauline Marois: First, please know that there is no adequate French term for “Smoked meat” or “Bagels.” Second, if you achieve your goal of separation, … Continue Reading
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Sun is shining, this species is sweet
1 The Blacker the Berry…. RIM CEO Thorsten Heins announced that the BlackBerry 10 launch will be delayed until the first quarter of 2013. Surely, this is a shrewd ploy to lure iPhone and Android producers into a false sense … Continue Reading
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It’s Snooki calling the pot black
1 Same old story: You know the one — lady’s philandering husband spends all her money, then leaves for a hotter, richer woman. Spurned lady spends a year feeling dirty and used, and just when she’s begun to move on, … Continue Reading
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Will his first word be shotgun?
1. Priorities: Even in recession, our society manages to fund organizations like the Kinsey Institute’s Condom Use Research Team (CURT). The Journal of Sexual Health recently published research that states, “Condom misuse is an epidemic.” Kinsey’s Richard Crosby went so … Continue Reading
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Borrowing a line from Bob Marley
1. Hosers in heaps: Canada’s population is the fastest-growing of all G8 nations. Census 2011 revealed a growth of two million over the last five years. The fastest-growing region is the West, which means, I guess, we have to brace ourselves … Continue Reading
