On Wednesday it was the Canada Day List, highlighting 10 great things about Canada. Today it’s the Metro List, our authoritative tally of the most noteworthy events of the week.
1 You want a list? I’ll give you a list. Because we’re so big on lists around here, we tip our hats in the general direction of the Maclean’s Book of Lists, which, even though it’s from the competition, is the Mother of All Lists, including 12 things you didn’t know were invented by Canadians, the top-10 crying hockey players, eight Canadian sitcoms that sucked and seven facts about winning the lottery. Plus it hits the stands on Canada Day (see above).
2 Obamacare. The president’s medical-coverage scheme survives the U.S. Supreme Court. Now it’s the law that every American must have health coverage. It’s kind of like being a Canadian. Too bad Fox and CNN, in the race to be first, got it dead wrong, reporting that SCOTUS struck the law down and then correcting themselves. Red faces all around.
3 Speaking of Obama. A poll says 65 per cent of Americans think he’ll do better than Mitt Romney if there’s an alien invasion. Either they believe he was born in Kenya, and is therefore an alien himself, or they think Romney would declare all the aliens illegal and deport them back to Alpha Centauri.
4 He’s not crying. Sidney Crosby signs a deal to make $104 million US to play hockey for the Pittsburgh Penguins for the next 12 years. Gordie Howe, a 23-time NHL all-star, made $100,000 in his highest-paid season. In his 103-point best year, he was the third-highest paid guy on the team, making $45,000.
5 Tennis, anyone? Wimbledon considers introducing a court-side grunt-o-meter to measure the decibel count on grunts from female tennis players. Maria Sharapova can hit decibels — 101 — greater than a jackhammer and a motorcycle.
6 The Algo Centre Mall. The commercial heart of Elliot Lake, Ont., collapses. Tragedy strikes anyone, any day, but can’t we make sure that malls don’t collapse? Like, build it right to begin with.
7 Naked truth. The Canadian national women’s rugby team bares all for a fundraising calendar. The Canadian national men’s rugby team promises not to publish a naked calendar if we give them money.
8 Bieber Watch. Justin Bieber enjoys the year’s biggest debut as his latest album, Believe, sold 374,000 copies in its first week, according to figures from Nielsen SoundScan. I wonder who’ll buy lunch at the Overpaid Café: Justin or Sidney? Sigh.
9 Happy Canada Day. Bonne Fête du Canada. Păomă jiānádà guóqìng rì.