So much is happening this week, I may have to drop Kim Kardashian’s wedding.

1 Goodbye, Mr. Layton: Jack leaves Parliament Hill one last time, not before leaving us with some words to live by: “My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.” You know, it just could work.

2 Goodbye, Mr. Jobs: The world’s foremost gizmologist, Apple CEO Steve Jobs, submits his letter of resignation. Not sure if he sent it in via his iPhone, iPad, iPod or iMac. Other people get kicked upstairs; Steve ascends into the Cloud.

3 Goodbye, Mr. Gadhafi: Sense a theme here? Libyan totalitarian nutbar Moammar Gadhafi slips away from his compound and heads for the tunnels where he is still able to broadcast stirring messages to his followers (the few who aren’t dead yet), exhorting them not to leave Tripoli to the “rats.” He should talk.

4 Goodbye, Mr. Robertson: CTV’s Lloyd Robertson, the dean of Canadian news anchors, retires Sept. 1. It’s the end of TV news as we know it, but he can’t stay up that late any more.

5 Goodbye, Sidney?: A lot of disturbing rumours are swirling around hockey superstar Sidney Crosby, still recovering from the effects of a pair of nasty concussions suffered last season. Some people worry that he’ll never play again. Aw, it’s all in his head.  

6 Hello, Lady Gaga: The alien pop star passes Oprah as Forbes’ most powerful female celebrity, but she’s still only No. 11 on the big list, trailing the likes of No. 1 Angela Merkel (chancellor of Germany), No. 2 Hillary Clinton ( U.S. secretary of state) and Charlotte Empey (my editor).

7 Welcome back, Carrie: Carrie Fisher, Princess Leia to a generation of smitten Stars Wars nerds, loses 50 pounds on Jenny Craig and vows to get back into that bikini she was forced to wear by Jabba the Hutt in Return of the Jedi. Now, if we could only get Jabba on Jenny Craig.

8 Look Out: It’s Margaret Atwood! Somehow the mayor of Toronto and his bro (Rob and Doug, eh?) have made an enemy of Margaret Atwood. Doug wants to know: Who’s Margaret Atwood? Just the world-famous author of 40 books, winner of the Booker Prize, whose writing the New York Times calls “chillingly brilliant.” She has teamed up with eight other writers to launch the Why My Library Matters to Me contest. And she’s steamed that you’re trying to close libraries. You think Moammar Gadhafi has trouble?

More from The Metro List:

blog comments powered by Disqus