Girls have a lot of thing to say; I think the countless S–t Girls Say video parodies are proving that point ad nauseum. But more often than not (read: all the time) a lot of men don’t realize the very subtle way in which the words that come out of our mouths are actually completely different from the intention behind them.

In an effort clear up some of the confusion I’ve created a little decoder to help understand the meaning behind some common female phrases. A She Says column on the things she says. Clever, right?

Read on and be sure not to take any of this too seriously.

“I’m fine.”

Wow, she is totally NOT fine. She couldn’t be further from fine. If a girl is doing well, she doesn’t say “fine.” She’ll use words like “great,” “good” and, if she’s particularly enthusiastic, “amazing.” Saying “I’m fine” is just a passive-aggressive technique we use to let you know that something’s wrong and that it’s more than likely your fault. See also: “It’s fine” and “We’re fine.”

“I really like that guy’s hair.” ?

You need a haircut.

“Did you still want to meet up tonight?”

If a girl actually wants to go out on the town, she’ll pose the question “Where are we meeting?” If she wants to subtly hint at the fact that she would like to bail on you, she’ll use this phrase. In reality, she has no desire to leave her house; she is halfway through a bottle of wine and wants nothing more than to watch a marathon of Downton Abbey while wearing embarrassingly oversized sweatpants.

“I have a lot of guy friends.”

Because other women can’t stand her. She’ll tell you she hates drama, but in reality it probably has more to do with her inability to get along with other females. Famous women who have uttered this phrase include The Bachelor’s latest she-villain Courtney Robertson and Angelina “Husband stealing” Jolie.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is about Ryan Gosling.”?

Fact: Nobody is more charming than Ryan Gosling. It’s sweet that your girl might try to protect your ego by feigning indifference towards this ridiculously handsome movie star, but she’s lying to you. Want proof? Check out this thing called the “Internet” and see just how vast the Gosling fangirl universe really is.

“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”

But also she’s super mad.

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