With the Victoria Day long weekend behind us, the summer season has officially begun.

City dwellers delight in the mass exodus that takes place each sun-filled weekend as urbanites pack up their coolers and head out of town. As a national pastime, cottaging (a uniquely Canadian verb) is on par with wearing plaid shirts and truly believing that this is the year that our team will bring home the Stanley Cup.

I was never one of those fortunate people whose parents invested in a piece of summer property — yes, I know #firstworldproblem. Consequently, I’ve had to make some strategic moves to expand my social circle so that I might have a chance to experience the great outdoors while still enjoying the luxuries of indoor plumbing.

A few years ago, I was unreasonably disappointed when my good friend broke up with her long-time boyfriend whose family owned 3,000 square-feet of lakefront paradise and not one, but two boats. Sure they were never meant to last, but couldn’t she have waited until after Thanksgiving? He had a water trampoline for crying out loud.

Over time, as friends have moved on and moved away, I’ve found the number of annual cottage invites dwindling. And so, I’m going to take this opportunity to make a case for myself as the BEST cottage guest you never asked for.

First of all, I have already assembled what I imagine to be the ultimate summer 2012 music playlist. You won’t have to go through the hassle of finding the perfect ratio of party anthems to mid-afternoon nap jams. But if you just want to listen to Call Me Maybe on repeat I’m also totally OK with that.

I have spent years acquiring Canadiana-inspired outfits to wear for all sorts of cabin-in-the-woods-themed weekends. My wardrobe is starting to look like a Hudson’s Bay Co. catalogue.

I’ll happily spend the afternoon running to and from the beer fridge to ensure that all cottage-goers are staying properly hydrated. And when the rain clouds roll in, I have you covered with a seriously large collection of board games. Twister, Scattegories, Taboo, Scrabble … boredom is not an option when I come to visit.

Finally, I deserve a getaway. A family of skunks — yes, skunks — recently took up residence underneath the house I live in. And since I’m in a basement apartment, this essentially means I have Pepe Le Pew and friends living in the wall behind my couch.

So if you’ve got a deck chair to spare this summer, I could use a weekend escape.