Don’t go telling these kids that Mr. McFeely is an unfortunately named children’s show legend, because to them old Mr. McFeely is a fearsome man sent to torment children with his coterie of horrible monsters from whatever hellscape zoo houses pandas suffering from full-body bruises. And here’s a pro-tip that looks to have missed purple panda at that fancy Anthropomorphic Entertainment College – if your arrival touches off a wailing wave of mass hysteria among your cherub-cheeked audience, the correct approach is not to stand limply while silently staring them down with vacant eyes.

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