Open letter to Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto:
OK, as PR campaigns go, “Cut the Waist” collapsed under its own weight.
It’s hard enough pledging to lose 50 pounds in five months, never mind with the whole nation looking on and making fun.
And then, whenever you do turn up to weigh in, a bunch of media jackals pound you with rude questions about transit and budgets.
It’s even harder when you fall off the scale on the final weigh-in, 33 pounds from your goal, as the peanut gallery laughs even harder.
But I want you to know: You’re my inspiration, Big Guy.
Look, you’re not the mayor of Toronto because you’re the intellectual heir to Albert Einstein. You’re the mayor of Toronto because regular people can relate to you. And regular people struggle with their weight. In fact, according to the United Nations, three-quarters of North Americans are overweight.
You’re not alone.
Take me, for instance. I’m a meat yo-yo. I find it easy to lose weight … and I find it even easier to put it back on again. In January, when you joined your brother Doug and pledged to lose 50 pounds, I was 40 pounds overweight and contemplating a trip to Mr. Big and Tall for a wardrobe upgrade.
I figured if the Big Guy could wrap his meaty paw around a stick of celery, well, so could I. And as you took the heat, I got out of the kitchen. Since January, I’ve lost 31 pounds and “Freedom 40” is in sight. Plus I’ve managed to get on and off the scale without injuring myself. Bonus.
Although I’ve managed to keep my jaw shut at key moments, it hasn’t been easy. You were subject to ridicule when you were discovered slinking out of KFC. Let me say that I am haunted daily by KFC. I could eat a whole family bucket of that stuff and then hit the fries and gravy.
And it’s not just KFC. That A&W Root Bear relentlessly pursues me with discount coupons. And every day at quittin’ time, the hungriest time, I have to walk past the best pizza joint on the planet and all those succulent slices laid out on the slab. The aroma alone is fattening.
The glass is half empty, and that’s a good thing. You’re 13 pounds lighter than you were in January. You proved to yourself and the rest of Fat City that you can lose weight if you put your mind to it.
Keep going. Do it for yourself, and no one else.
And I’ll see you on the skinny side.