If I know the people who regularly read this column, and I think I do, you’re probably expecting me to write about the city’s recent woes with weather.
But before the hurricane winds and first real snowstorm of the season crippled this city, I had already written this column, which quite frankly is about something far more important: the Santa Claus parade.
Ever since it was cancelled in 2007 to make way for road construction, I’ve been baffled by Calgary’s lack of interest in bringing it back.
With only a few weeks to go until the big day, I thought I’d remind the Scrooge-like city officials, who continue to deprive Calgarians of the time-honoured Christmas tradition, why exactly we need to bring back the Santa Claus parade:
1. Because it’s going to be a long time until we have a parade featuring the Stanley Cup.
2. Because a Santa Claus parade will be an excellent opportunity to distract the Occupy Calgary protesters and take away the final few tents.
3. If the wind picks up again, it will be like watching a parade in a real-life Snow Globe, except with metal and wood.
4. Because I hate paying for candy canes.
5. Santa would need elves and Barb Higgins probably still needs work.
6. Because we can’t be a city that has sponsored transit stations, but no sponsors for a Santa Claus parade.
7. Regina has one. How can we even think about calling ourselves a world-class city when we can’t even compete with Regina?
8. Politicians love coming to parades, so why are we depriving ourselves of the enjoyment of watching Jason Kenney struggle to sincerely care about this city for 20 city blocks?
9. Because we can get Nickelback to perform, and if there is any city that will welcome Nickelback, it’s (sadly) Calgary.
10. Because we all have memories of sitting on the curb with our parents, watching the Santa Claus parade, which is definitely not the same as only seeing him in the mall.
Calgary has said that not having a parade is more a money issue than anything else.
Here’s the thing: no city really has money for a Santa Claus parade, but it’s one of those things that you spend money on.
What Canadian child doesn’t have memories of a parade, big or small? In truth, I don’t know much about children but I’ve always thought that you could never put a value on child’s smile when they see Santa Claus.
Sadly, in Calgary, apparently you can.
