Calgary is a lot of things, but it’s definitely not scary.

I mean, there’s not very many times in a day that I find myself nervous about being in a certain neighbourhood or wary about waiting for public transportation.

Sure there’s lots of weirdos out there, but it’s not very often that they are dangerous. At least, that’s what I used to think. Lately, there seems to be so many stories of things that scare me about this city, and no, none of them are taking place in Forest Lawn.

First things first, it’s frightening what parents will do for a cool photo of their kids. It’s that time of year when some Calgary neighborhoods are at risk of flooding. The rising waters can be scary all on their own, but what really terrifies me is how many people will bring their kids to the river’s edge, just to get the perfect picture for Facebook. Teaching your kids that it’s OK to be that close to the edge, just for a few likes on social media is definitely Darwin’s theory at work.

Now that the bath salts drug has officially made its way to Calgary, it certainly has me on edge.  But, maybe not for the same reasons as you.  I’m of the belief that some things are out of my control.

For example, if I happen upon someone high on bath salts and they subsequently eat my face, there’s not much I could have done to avoid the situation. So that doesn’t really scare me. But what does scare me is that there are people who are looking to get so high, they are fine taking a drug that will knowingly drive them mad, and perhaps, eat a poor columnist’s face.

Instead of bath salts, they should go to Lloyd’s on a Saturday afternoon. Same effect, but with minimal flesh eating.

Then there’s the scariest person of all, Bishop Henry. Not since my ill-fated career as a chess player have I been this scared of a Bishop. This man — not an elected official, nor is he a doctor or a scientist — is deciding what’s best for the young girls of this city.

I, admittedly, don’t subscribe to many beliefs of the Catholic church, but if I were a parent, I would be scared to let one person decide the fate of my child’s health.  If he thinks that teens will remain abstinent by preventing access to the HPV vaccine he’s not only scary, he’s also very, very naïve.