The NHL is returning. Season tickets sold out in 17 minutes. And the return of the Jets (or Whiteout, or whatever they’re going to be called) has spawned a number of desperate and not-so-serious ads on free classifieds websites such as Kijiji.ca.

One couple posted a picture of their baby son with the title: “Doesn’t he deserve to experience Jets games?” And several people claimed to be in the doghouse and either selling their tickets for a massive markup or willing to pay outrageous prices.

Others offered incentives to people to part with their tickets, including one guy willing to throw in a $300 gift certificate for The Keg if he could buy a half-season’s worth, and another fellow willing to give up his first-born (we hope he’s kidding).

Still, others posted ads admonishing scalpers for selling their tickets for more than they’re worth.
Some of our favourites:

• “Hi, I am 33-year-old single white male. I would consider myself to be goodlooking. Looking for a hot girl to be my date for the first NHL game back in Winnipeg! You will have to pay face value for the ticket since I am good looking and not desperate.”

• “Wanted: Jets ticket to home opener. Willing to pay $20 and give you a foot rub. If you buy me a beer, I’ll take off my shirt and paint my stomach white. If you buy me two beers, I’ll paint my toenails blue and shake my pompoms. Sorry, bra stays on. Unless you buy me three beers and I don’t have to pay.”

• “People who r marking up the price on here to a crazy amount are ass—– and not true hockey fans. If u had any character u would sell to family or friends who lost out and would do anything for tickets. AT A FAIR PRICE.!!!”

• “Drive to 13 didn’t work for me. I would be interested in sharing season tickets or buying tickets for games! Please, please, my son is 13 years old and is still crying! Please help!”

• “Inebriated Dog Sitting Service. Owner/Operator: 40-year-old volleyball player. Will work for free. Unavailable on all Blue Bomber home games and NHL playoff games. Her love for animals is matched only by her love for a good party.”  Elisha Dacey

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