By our third date, we had already told each other we wanted kids. It was one of those things we never thought we wouldn’t do.
Talking on the beach on our honeymoon in 2007, we decided it was time.
The adoption screening process was extensive ‘ paperwork, medical exams, reference checks, criminal-record checks. We went through the adoption-education program and had regular visits with a social worker.
At first it felt like hoop-jumping and we were a little frustrated, but it became educational and empowering.
After six months of screening, our profile went live on Family Services and within a month we were picked by a birth mother to adopt her child.
We were ecstatic. We bought the minivan and the crib and set up the nursery. We told everyone, “We’re pregnant!”
But then we got a call: the birth father’s family didn’t want their first grandchild to go to a same-sex couple. It was devastating.
To clear our heads, we took a road trip to Seattle. At a restaurant there, we popped open a fortune cookie with the message, “Remember this day. Three months from now good things will come.”
Exactly three months later, we got the call asking if we wanted to be dads. Oliver was born a week later. We’re not superstitious, but that was like ‘ whoa.
That was a crazy week because Darryl was preparing to defend his master’s thesis, but we divided and conquered. Ian went on a whirlwind shopping spree for baby stuff, and his work gave him the extra three months of parental leave that birth parents get.
At the hospital we found out it was a boy. As soon as they said, “Come and meet your son,” we felt like a family instantly. There was such support and love there. It was pretty incredible.
Since then, we have had such a positive experience being two dads. Not to say that onlookers aren’t curious. Someone might comment, “Giving mom the day off?” and we’ll just say, “Nope ‘ just always giving mom the day off.”
Ian and Darryl’s story is featured in Conceiving Family, a documentary by Watershed Productions. They are currently applying for another adoption.
