Hi, I have been dating my bf for almost seven years. We are both in our early 20s and have known each other since middle school. I don’t know if I should continue with him because it seems it is taking him so long do couple things with me, like travelling or anything special. We never do anything on Valentine’s Day and if we did, it would be because I plan something. He is going through this thing where he wants to be able to go out with his friends but he still wants me around. We are best friends but I don’t know what to do. Do you think I’m wasting my time and should move on or continue and wait to see what happens?
Dear, practically-married-to-high-school-sweetheart, I can assure you that the past seven years of your life haven’t been a waste, but the next seven depend on you.
What are you waiting for? Last I checked, there isn’t a magical fairy script writer who flies in and turns your relationship into a romantic-comedy. Relationships take work, and you have yours cut out for you. You’re the long-term girlfriend of a 20-something male, which means that you’re about as exciting to him as a dental appointment.
For him to really feel motivated and treat you like a woman, you have to create the incentive. Have you been acting more like a friend than a girlfriend? Change up the image to smoldering female.
Have you been compromising on your alone time together for the sake of his time with friends? Stand up for yourself and your ideas. If he’s still unwilling to woo you every now and then, it’s time to graduate to a guy who can.
Dear early 20s, one of the benefits of being a 30-something single mother who’s lived around the world is wisdom. So here it is: you can’t change his behaviour, so change yours. Neglect him back, stop being so available. Don’t reach out in any way. If he gets in touch, answer him, but don’t ask about him, or seek him out in any way. But don’t do this out of anger or bitterness.
Reclaim the parts of your life he used to fill. Do your own thing, make plans with your friends, and don’t change your plans to fit him in when he does come crawling back (unless he’s having a heart transplant).
You two have grown up together, so though it used to be OK to make him the centre of your world when you were teenagers, it’s time to review your priorities and give more time to your dreams, your future.
If this doesn’t work, then you’ve learned another valuable piece of painful wisdom: people don’t often change.
Two sisters, 20-something Andrea and 30-something Claire, offer their differing views on your relationship issues.