Gwar's new album is "the heaviest, sickest,most awesome Gwar album since ... the last one."

“The best way to survive one of our shows is probably to just not go,” warns Oderus Urungus, front-thing for heavy metal space mutants Gwar, the self-proclaimed, “most titanic, apocalyptic, loudest, smelliest and disgusting rock ‘n’ roll band in history.”

For the uninitiated, a Gwar gig is something unto itself. Enticingly horrific, the quintet sports rubber monster costumes and wields foam swords, rocking out whilst soaking audiences in fake blood, bile and body parts culled from various pop/political effigies desecrated via a number of disgusting means including flaying, hacking off limbs and so on.

Moreover, Gwar prides itself on 25 years and 12 albums——the latest dubbed Bloody Pit Of Horror (Metal Blade)—of obliterating every person in attendance while fans are protectively ravenous freaks.

Intrigued but intimidated? Follow this simple guide to surviving these disgusting but entirely comedic and tongue-in-cheek spectacles.

What To Wear:
It all depends on your desired outcome. Want to be a target for mayhem? Stuck for a last-minute Halloween costume? Wear something crisply white and head for centre stage. With their endless dousing of carnage, you’re sure to come out making Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist look like the “After” side of a detergent commercial.

What To Bring:
A healthy sense of humour (political incorrectness is a plus for reasons we can’t divulge), a strong stomach and a change of clothes. And earplugs.

What Not To Say:
How many times you’ve seen them. At least not to the band, as Urungus takes it as an affront, thinking the band kills the entire crowd nightly. When fans claim attending multiple shows he cries, “How the hell did that happen? I thought we killed everybody.” Alternately, avoid comparing Gwar to other costumed rock bands (Lordi, Mushroomhead or even KISS) to fans. That might get you impaled for real.

What To Do:
Again, it hinges on your intended experience. Step up front for an interactive encounter including stage diving, moshing, curse-laden taunting from Urungus and refreshing gore sprayed constantly. For the voyeur, stay well back and enjoy the massacre of various puppets/papier-mâché creations.

Finally, Urungus advises that the best course of action at a Gwar gig:

“If you are forced to go, the best thing to do is to hide underneath the corpses of your dead friends. Smear yourself with their blood and other various body fluids that are leaking out of them,” he concludes. “Then you might be able to escape with your life.” 

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