With Feb. 14 fast approaching, today I provide support for readers who fall into the category known as, “special-occasion challenged” or, alternatively, “men.” True, not all men are special-occasion challenged. To find out if you are, answer this simple question.

To me, Valentine’s Day is:

a) A magical twenty-four hours when I can shower my partner with the love and appreciation she deserves.

b) What?

If you choose b), help is at hand.

First, remember that your goal on Valentine’s Day is to show your partner that you’ve thought about her. And not only when you wondered who you could get to make snacks for poker night.

A classic way to do this is by creating something personal and artistic. For “artistic,” it’s best to stick to poetry. Interpretive dance does not usually work so well except to give her something to share with her friends on YouTube.

Many men, when confronted with the exciting challenge of writing poetry respond, “Can’t I just chew off my arm instead?” No. That kind of thing is hardly ever romantic. What you want is to give her something meaningful and heartfelt that expresses your love in terms only you could use. To achieve this, you simply have to steal it from someone else.

Stealing poetry is entirely OK. There’s an old saying, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery… except if you’re making knock-off handbags or watches, in which case it’s illegal.” An important tip: the best poems to steal are ones that don’t contain the words “booty” or “hot” or that you didn’t get off either a washroom stall door or a site for Metallica lyrics.

Here are two suggestions:

“Love is not love that alters when its alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove.”
This is perfect for the woman you’d describe as “has never, ever read Shakespeare, so won’t know I stole this.”

So, this Valentine’s Day gentlemen, remember this. Plagiarize a little poetry, and you’ll steal your way into her heart.