Today, I want to talk about uncertainty. I’m just not entirely sure what to say about it.

What started me thinking about this was that this past week I learned of a serious problem inherent in bar stools. My friend Belle broke her ankle by falling off one.

Some people might ask, “Was she dancing on the stool at the time?” or “Had she had a few?” Which just goes to show they don’t know Belle. Of course she wasn’t dancing on the stool. And of course she’d had a few.

One might argue that the fall was not entirely the stool’s fault. But the fact is this tragedy could have been averted if the manufacturer had simply affixed a label saying something like, “Wrapping your foot around this stool in a rather fetching, coquettish manner and then forgetting to unwrap it when you stand up may cause injury.”

Instead, we all have to live with the knowledge that bar stool-related unpleasantness could happen at any time.

I don’t like uncertainty. It makes me feel … uncertain. A lot of people share this feeling. That’s why we turn to paid experts who can assure us of what the future holds. Depending on what amount we’re prepared to spend, these professionals are called either financial advisers or telephone psychics.

I consulted a palm reader once. She charged me $40 and told me I’m destined to spend money foolishly. I left thinking she was right.

We want our world to be predictable and stable. The problem is that a) it isn’t and b) well, that’s it really. And it’s not just what’s around us, it’s also what’s inside us that can turn on a dime.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a boardroom waiting to start a meeting. A woman I?had never met walked into the room. I thought, “Oh my God. I’m gay.” I’m not the only person to have this happen.

Comedian Rosie O’Donnell reports she was motoring home after getting her driver’s licence when she was struck by this same realization. Personally, I’m glad I wasn’t operating heavy machinery at the time.

Sometimes uncertainty feels like falling off a bar stool and sometimes it feels like falling in love. In any case, no warning label can prepare us for the jolts and joys that lie ahead. Life will surprise us. And that’s a good thing.

I’m certain.

– Anne Hines is an author and humour writer. She has written three novels and one collection of nonfiction humour.