Reading this column will be far from useless. In fact, it’s full of useless information.

Every week at the conclusion of my radio show, The Secret History of Rock (see alancross.ca for stations and showtimes), I have a segment called Useless Information. It’s a way of clearing my desk of Post-It notes that feature scraps of knowledge I’ve discovered but don’t really have a place in whatever I’m doing.

Most of this information is rather arcane, but it somehow seems wrong not to use it…somewhere.  Here, then, is a sampling of these bits of unconnected and disconnected research.

Big-brain physicist Stephen Hawking is a huge Depeche Mode fan. Back in the ’90s, he once requested to meet the band backstage after a show. He was turned down because no one in Depeche Mode had ever heard of him.

Al Jourgensen of Ministry was invited to remix the Red Hot Chili Peppers single Give It Away. He showed up in the studio with a fat joint in his pocket and a live chicken under his arm. He set the chicken down on the mixing console, lit the joint and blew huge volumes of smoke into the chicken’s face. Whenever the stoned chicken did its business on or near one of the faders on the console, Al took that as a sign to emphasize those tracks in the remix. Now you know why this particular version is called the Chicken Sh*t Remix.

There is no known origin to the special (read: obscene) audience participation lyrics in Billy Idol’s Mony Mony. They first seemed to have appeared c.1986 and differ slightly from region to region.  The best guess is that they somehow relate to an early ’80s MTV interview, where Idol admitted to losing his virginity while the original Tommy James version played on the radio.

But not everything I stumble across is completely useless. After decades of trial and error by professionals and amateurs all over the world, it seems that Canada’s Randy Bachman finally cracked the construction of one of the most beguiling bits of guitar history: the opening chord of the Beatles’ A Hard Day’s Night. 

It turns out a number of guitars were used.  George’s 12-string layered an F chord, a G on top, a G on the bottom and a C. Paul contributed a D to the bass while John played a D chord sus4.
 
Alan is the host of the radio show The Secret History of Rock.  Reach him at alan@alancross.ca