Too bad Arland Bruce III couldn’t come up with something a tad more entertaining the other night.
Slipping on a Spider-Man mask to celebrate a touchdown for the Toronto Argonauts just didn’t cut it. I mean, I don’t want to come off like Simon Cowell or some other television show judge, but Bruce’s performance lacked creativity, imagination and was well below acceptable showboating standards.
Heck, top showboaters don’t even use props any more. Nowadays, they change their name legally, or crush opponents in Olympic sprint competition without even trying.
Read more about Bruce and my thoughts on the shortage of good CFL hot-dogging this season in my latest CFL Report, but let’s just say no CFLer can hold a candle to the likes of NFL receiver Chad Johnson or sprinter Usain Bolt.
Never mind Johnson changing his name legally to Ocho Cinco. This guy once mailed Pepto Bismol to his opponents before a game. He raced a horse. He declared he could outrace Michael Phelps in the swimming pool.
And Bolt? Well, besides his bizarre gyrations before and after his races, he practically moonwalks during them.
All of which explains why Johnson, er, Ocho Cinco and Bolt are 1-2 in a cool Fox list of sports’ top 10 showboaters .
Bruce didn’t make the list, of course, but two women and a Canadian NHL player did.
Tennis player Serena Williams is sixth, behind the NBA’s Gilbert Arenas, NFL receiver Terrell Owens and NFL quarterback Brett Favre.
“Williams arguably has more flair than the entire men’s side of tennis,” Fox writes. “Her unusual fashion sense has inspired her to wear knee-high go-go boots during the U.S. Open. . .She once sported a skin-tight cat suit, too.”
Ranked eighth on the showboat list, behind slugger Manny Ramirez, is Danica Patrick, described by Fox as “the most colourful driver in motor sports.” She starred in a racy GoDaddy commercial and has had several run-ins with fellow auto racers on pit row.
Ranked 10th on the list, behind pitcher Carlos Zambrano, is NHLer Sean Avery of Pickering, Ont.
Avery, Fox writes, enjoys aggravating foes and drawing attention to himself. He did jumping jacks in front of goalie Martin Brodeur in the playoffs and he appeared at his introductory news conference with the Dallas Stars in salmon-coloured shoes and matching checkered shorts and jacket.
Never, though, would Avery or any of the above wear a Spider-Man mask. That was lame. Or, as Cowell might say, hideous.
Marty York is Metro’s national sports columnist as well as an
instructor at the College of Sports Media in Toronto.
He
can be heard each Wednesday night on Vancouver radio station CKNW with
Sportstalk host Dan Russell.
Contact Marty at marty.york@metronews.ca
