Let’s assume for a second that there will be some envelopes under the tree Christmas morning. You could do the responsible thing and apply whatever cash you get to the post-Christmas debts – remember that CPP takes its annual chunk out of your paycheque as of January 1! – or use it for an RRSP contribution.
But let’s be honest: you’re going to do neither. Instead, you’ll contribute to the retail economy by recycling that cash on things that…well, things that you think you need but really don’t. In fact, no one actually needs any of these things.
The Drum Machine T-Shirt ($30)
You might have heard about those t-shirts that allow you to strum rudimentary chords when you pass your hand across the front. This is just the next logical step in wearable instruments.
The iHorn ($540)
Inspired by the acoustic principles used in old-school gramophone horns, these things may require rearranging the furniture, but if these things are even on your radar, chances are you’ve already got a place that’s way too big already.
The Speaker Vest ($850)
If you thought the guy on the bus listening to music at high volume through leaky headphones was annoying, just wait until you meet up with someone using one of these. The good news is that the low frequencies coming from the subwoofer will probably stop his heart.
Sex Pistols’ God Save the Queen 7-inch on A&M ($16,200)
A mint copy of one of the precious few copies rescued from the A&M warehouse after the band was dropped after just five days recently went up for sale through the collectors’ site,
iNuke ($30,000)
If the iHorn is too weenie for you, then you need to step up to this 700-pound, 10,000-watt iPhone/iPod speaker dock. No, none of the numbers in the preceding is a typo.
A Street-Legal Race Car Inspired by a Bjork Video ($125,000)
Lest you think that Bjork can’t live down that swan dress, take a look at the BAC Mono, a single-seat street-legal track. This thing wouldn’t exist had its designers not been inspired by the video for Bjork’s All Is Full of Love.
And although all 50 copies for 2011 have been sold out, the manufacture can promise delivery for 2013. Perhaps you should put that Christmas money aside after all.
Alan is the host of the radio show The Secret History of Rock. Reach him at alan@alancross.ca
